Monday, March 10, 2008

How To Get Dead Animal Teeth part 2

Got Teeth?
Ok, so for those of you who have a burning desire to have teeth but can't find a deer cranium floating around, I have an answer.
Call a butcher.
The really creepy ones will give you bits of cattle.
Now, here is an obligatory warning that:
THIS BLOG IS OF A GRAPHIC NATURE

No really: These images are all different kinds of disgusting so if you're the queasy type I would motivate onto one of those sunshine and flower blogs.

So when you go to a butcher (namely Larry in this instance, Thanks Lar!) you can request that they save you a few this and thats. Now, they did charge me ten bucks to remove the jaws. Worth every penny if you ask me; I don't particularly want to see what the rest of the cow looked like. I wasn't exactly expecting it to be so fresh mind you but ol' lar delivered the goods.

My box o' jaws.
I felt like I was smuggling diamonds myself seeing as how I had to walk by the very popular restaurant that is affiliated with said butcher carrying an open box of raw teeth.
I bet the cheeseburgers were really good today.






The next step in acquiring bovine teeth?
Select the appropriate tool.
Their gums are like hard rubber so I had to whip out the trusty leatherman. Best tool EVER. You can slice, dice and do your nails.


I strongly advise you wear an ipod and of course a stylish hand-made hat is necessary for all teeth extraction.


Then:

Hack at it a while...
Hack some more...
and some more.






Eventually you find out that a cows tooth is
flipping 2 inches friggin' long.

Do NOT try pliers.

I found out quickly they break the teeth.



Do NOT splatter blood on your face.















Cows have bizarre spiky skin on the inside of their mouths.
Interesting texture.
That's all I will say about that for your benefit.















For the exceptionally long tooth I suggest sliding the knife
down the tooth to dislodge it from the gums.
That or buy a mechanical saw.
Then rock the tooth back and forth.
I found bovine teeth have single roots so they're not as delicate as deer teeth.



This is truly where the ipod is handy.










The wiggle method:


When deer teeth won't cut it and that stingy tooth fairy won't cough any up for you, drive on down to the local eatery and have at some raw cow-flesh.
You will not only have some delightful teeth but a feeling a pride that you manually removed the teeth and managed not to toss your cookies. Hopefully.

3 comments:

Jangrrrrl said...

Sherri! Terrific. Love your take on the world. Thanks for sharing it all. Great. (So tired of the sunshine and flower blogs. Hey wait, I like flowers and I LOVE sunshine just with a side of edge.)

ohsherri said...

I agree, I just like my edge with a side of flowers and sunshine!

amyk said...

way to commit to an idea....i wasn't really 100% positive you were serious about picking up "ralph"... clearly you were...i am extremely entertained